5 April 2014 From the banks of the Volga

Cassi Creek:  I noticed this morning that the Japanese knotweed has resumed it’s  annual surge upward and outward.  This is a truly noxious weed, nearly impossible to obliterate.  Over the years I’ve used chemical agents, fire, uprooting, and invective.  Only repeated attacks with a string trimmer seem to have any lasting effect.  Even that is, at best, temporary.  The weed emerges from being pulped within 48 hours or so 

          It is like trying to remove bamboo from property.  I’d like to talk to the idiot that imported this.  Only kudzu is more noxious in this region of the U.S.

          I’ve been following a thread on medical lab humor.  That led to the nature of medical humor in general.  “Black”

          That led to a search for this little gem I’ve known for years and years.  The added graphics really go well with the lyric.  This is not for the faint of heart or easily offended.

Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DBKKry8GPpk

The Birthday Dirge

AKA "The Mongolian Birthday Chant" and "The SCA Birthday Song" 
Tune of : "Volga Boatmen" 

Death and gloom and black despair 
People dying everywhere 

                Chorus: 
                Happy Birthday! (UHH!) Happy Birthday! (UHH!) 

Death, destruction, and despair 
People dying everywhere. 

Now you are the age you are 
Your demise cannot be far 

Fear and gloom and darkness but 
No one found out YOU KNOW WHAT 

May the candles on your cake 
Burn like cities in your wake 

You're a period cook, it's true 
Ask the beetles in the stew 

Burn the Castle and storm the keep 
Kill the Women but SAVE THE SHEEP! 

Now your jail-bait days are done 
Let's go out and have some fun! 

May your deeds with sheep and yaks 
Equal those with sword and axe 

You must marry very soon 
Baby's due the next full moon 

Your servants steal, your wife's untrue 
Your children plot to murder you 

Were I sitting in your shoes 
I'd go out and sing the blues 

They stole your gold, your sword, your house 
They stole your sheep, but not your spouse 

Tho' you're turning 29 
Age to you is like fine wine 

So you're 29 again 
Don't tell lies to your good friend 

Now you've lived another year 
Age to you is like stale beer 

So another year has passed 
Don't look now they're gaining fast! 

So you've aged another year 
Now you know that Death is near. 

Long ago your hair turned grey 
Now it's falling out, they say 

Black Death has just struck your town 
You yourself feel quite run-down 

It's your birthday never fear 
You'll be dead this time next year 

We brought linen, white as cloud 
Now we'll sit and sew your shroud! 

See the wrinkles on your face 
Like the pattern of fine lace 

So far death you have bypassed 
Don't look back it's gaining fast 

Indigestion's what you get 
From the enemies that you 'et 

I'm a leper, can't you see 
Get your birthday kiss from me. 

Burn, then rape by firelight 
Add -romance- to life tonight. 

Pay attention, you must learn 
First you pillage, THEN you burn. 

Children dying far and near 
They say that cancer's caused by beer. 

Children dying everywhere 
Women crying in despair. 

Typhoid, plague and polio 
Coffins lined up in a row. 

Long ago your hair turned gray 
Now it's falling out, they say. 

Birthdays come but once a year 
Marking time as Death draws near. 

May the children in the street 
Be your barbecuing meat. 

We, your friends will never tell 
That your body has gone to hell. 

At your age most folks go blind 
You've kept your sight, but lost your mind. 

While you eat your birthday stew 
We will loot the town for you 

We love children, yes we do 
Boiled or baked or in a stew. 

When you've reached this age you know 
That the mind is first to go. 

FINALE: 
If there be verses we have missed 
You can add them to the list. 

I pray you pass your verse along 
And thus improve our merry song.