Tuesday, December 28, 2010

28 December 2010 Obligatory lists fill column inches and airtime but little else

Like most people who sometimes wish they were a professional writer, choosing a topic to write about then putting something interesting down on paper can become difficult. Writers’ block does not apply – I’m not that much of a writer, nor am I unable to put something onto the digital equivalent of paper. I’m aided by the certainty that very few if any people will actually read what I write. It allows me to be repetitious if I wish, vicious and vindictive if I like, and frankly boring without fear that I will lose readers, income or a by-line. I didn’t go to a college of Journalism although I frequently walked past one in my younger days.

As the year – no matter which, the numbers matter only to historians- crawls to its annual revolutionary relay hand-off; the events that we worry about every day seem to become less interesting compared to the wait for the calendar page to turn and the fireworks to fly skyward and detonate. The war in Afghanistan (Iraq, Somalia, or whichever grim gray place we have chosen to deploy our young men and women is somehow diminished in importance or relevancy compared to the preparation for the televising of street parties hosted by television celebrities. In preparation for such programming the various news services and correspondents in need of filing copy or video draw upon tradition and deliver “the top/bottom list of some topic”

The perpetual opener is, all too often, “What would it cost Neiman-Marcus to deliver all the gifts mentioned in “The 12 days of Christmas.” I know, twelve, not ten items, I’m searching for inspiration that would be better directed to a CNN Commentator.

Ten ugliest Christmas Sweaters – good for TV

Ten worst movies of the year – also good for TV, fills lots of airtime.

Ten worst celebrity encounters with law enforcement – good for TV and lawyers

Ten celebrities most likely to enter drug/alcohol rehab- good for TV, lawyers, and treatment centers

Ten politicians most likely to claim “sex addition” and enter rehab – see above plus ghost writers and publishing houses

First ten new GOPer\Teavangelist caught accepting money from lobbyists – good for Media

Ten Teavangelist Congressmen most likely to be caught In flagrante delicto – good for media and comedians

The Latin term is sometimes used colloquially as a euphemism for a couple being caught in the act of sexual intercourse. In modern usage, the intercourse need not be adulterous or illicit But it will be so much more enjoyable if it is,

Ten largest lies uttered by Palin – good for no one

Ten most inane lists published this year – good for no one – be sure to include this list.

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