17 February 2010 Things we should have made certain our children learned

17 February 2010 Things we should have made certain our children learned


That we should have conveyed these things to our offspring is, of course, dependent upon us having learned them from someone older than us. For the purposes of this entry it is necessary to make the wholly unwarranted assumption that we were handed a sum of knowledge designed to preserve our lives and those of others around us from glaring errors of stupidity.

This morning, while driving into Johnson City in blowing snow, on a road with patches of ice, I was passed by a man driving a car who crossed a double yellow line in order to tear around me. I was driving at 50 MPH on a road with a posted limit of 55 MPH. The other driver was clocking at least 70 MPH. I hope he got to where he was going without harming someone. He is an accident looking to happen. Obviously he is a man of importance. I’ve a few words to launch in his direction and toward other idiots like him.

When driving in a motor vehicle, the speed limit posted alongside the roadways is to be obeyed. This is primarily intended to benefit others rather than you. If you slow down to the posted limit you will be less likely to lose control of your vehicle, run off the road, run into someone else, or in some manner, cause bodily injury and property damage to someone else. If a professional racing team thought you were capable of driving for them, they’d have called last year. Until they change their mind, slow down.

There is an axiom which directs that one should decrease speed 5-10 MPH below posted legal when driving in rain or upon rain-wet roads. Further decreases are indicated for snowy or icy conditions. It is not appropriate to increase speed during inclement weather. It does not matter that you are trying to reach your destination before the rain blowing through your inoperative window floods your car’s interior; slow down.

If you cannot negotiate a turn without driving into the oncoming lane of traffic, you have exceeded the ability of your car to retain traction; slow down and return to your lane. It does not matter that you have a 4 wheel drive vehicle. The laws of physics as they apply to angular momentum, vectors of force, inertia, and velocity trump the “coolness” and “machismo” of your vehicle every time. You will run off the road, lose control, come to occupy a ditch, and look foolish as you wait for a tow truck to haul your broken truck or car from the mud. Slow down, so that you don’t injure someone else in your stupidity.

Ice scrapers, brushes, and defrosters exist for reasons of safety. It is impossible to drive a car or truck safely while looking through a 6 inch x 4 inch hole scraped into the snow and ice amassed upon your vehicle’s windshield. You may think it looks cool, or you may think that you saved time by not clearing every window, completely. In actuality, it tells the rest of the world that you are an idiot who has no concern for the well-being of anyone else. Get up earlier, put down your cell phone or turn off your television and clear the snow and ice off every window that your vehicle has. I’ve spent many long hours trying to resuscitate and stabilize the people you, in your idiocy and lack of concern for others, injured. I feel badly for them today just as I did when your stupidity caused their injuries. For you, I felt then and feel now, nothing but contempt.

Those solid yellow lines mean “do not pass other cars and/or trucks. That must have been one of the questions you missed on the written part of your drivers’ examination. The people who built and maintain the roads determined that it was impossible to see far enough at some points along the road to pass safely. They are right, you are wrong. No one cares if you are late for work, for a date, for a job interview. No one is concerned about your need to empty your bladder. Get up earlier, leave the house earlier, get dressed earlier, and then drive safely instead of endangering everyone else along the road.

While we’re at it, get off my tail. I’ve been hit from behind and injured by one idiot. I’ll guarantee your reflexes are no better than his. If you must steer your vehicle into something, find a nice overpass and have a face to rebar encounter. Slip your seat belt off, if you like, just before impact.

Whether you simply can’t get up and get organized or whether you have some exhibitionist tendencies; getting dressed, applying cosmetics, shaving, and playing with your hair should be done at home, before entering the car. A stop light is not designed and placed so that you may apply lipstick or change your blouse.

Put away your cell phones, your smart phones, your laptops, close your front seat offices until you are off the road and stopped in a parking lot. You have nothing to say to anyone that is important enough to allow you to yak or text or browse while driving. Nor is your sales call of sufficient merit to allow you to risk my life. Put away the coffee, the sandwich, the salad, the cereal, the magazines, and anything else that takes your hands off the wheel or you mind off the road in front of you.

And, yes, I do own the road. At least that part of it that my tax contributions help maintain. So drive safely or stay off my road.