Thursday, July 28, 2011

28 July 2011 Audubon’s Guide to Teavangelists by Their Sound Bytes


“We don’t have a debt problem, we have a spending problem”
          Easy to remember for the simple minded.  No words of more than two syllables.
 “Tea Party members share similar core principles supporting the United States Constitution as the Founders intended, such as:”
          We’ve never read the Constitution but this is what we were told last.”
  Often found in a written form to avoid the difficulty of the polysyllabic “Constitution.  Since most teavangelists have not and will never actually read our Constitution, this leads to an easy argument to use in convince them of a point, “It’s in the Constitution!”  Or is that the Bible?  Most likely, it is in neither.
“Limited Federal Government”
          Used to call for the elimination of any governmental agency or program that constructs a social safety net, provides education, limits the power of corporations, allows unions,
“Individual freedoms”
          This is usually a 2nd Amendment argument or a taxation matter.  “How dare the government say I can’t have a machine gun or grenades to defend my home against foreigners with dark skin?  “I don’t want to pay my hard-earned money to support anyone I don’t like. It may also be a 1st Amendment problem “We want mandatory prayer in schools and creationism taught instead of Darwinism.”  “This is a Christian nation”  “Stop Sharia law – whatever that is.”
“Personal responsibility”
          Those lazy people should not be paid to sit at home and watch television.  If they can’t afford health care, tough.  Let them get jobs, anyone who really wants a job can find one.  Get raped, get pregnant, tough!  Raise the kid yourself.  No abortions, no housing, food, immunizations, health care assistance.  When the kid breaks the law, we’ll jail or execute him. 

“Free markets”
Privatize everything!  Business can do it better and cheaper.  Who needs government funded and run mail, schools, medicine, food safety, jails, highways, bridges, and public safety officers? Put financial firms in charge of Social Security and sell all the hospitals to insurance companies.  Contract out our military needs to mercenaries.   It can all be done at the lowest bid by corporations.  It works in Somalia, Afghanistan, Iraq, and Latin America. 
“ Returning political power to the states and the people.”
          This is almost always associated with some matter that was actually settled by the Union’s victory in the Civil War.  It should make you wonder if the person uttering it is a militia member, belongs to a hate group or some other group that wants to restore the social conditions of pre-1900 Southern culture.  You’ll see it used to demand a repeal of health care reform, in attempts to prevent same-sex marriage, lately, in immigration concerns as red states attempt to over-rule federal immigration regulations.  It shows up with reference to concealed and open carry permits for firearms.  Generally, it means that the proponent can’t think of another argument to parrot. 
“We, the people,”
          Grossly misused, the initial three words of the preamble to the Constitution.  The teavangelists are thrilled with this.  In their minds, it causes them to think that their splinter idiocy is actually shared by the entire nation, Got news for them, it doesn’t.  It is simply another delusion of grandeur that they throw about as if it is a magic talisman to ward away “evil socialism.”  Honest, “I”, one of many people who are citizens of this nation, would appreciate it if “we” would return to middle school and finish their civics class that they obviously failed to complete.  While they’re at it, brushing up on English, spelling, grammar, biological science, geography, and mathematics might provide “we” with a far better understanding of how politics and economics actually function in a democratic republic. That operates on a somewhat socialist format. 
“This is a Christian nation!”
          Not even close.  However much the bible thumpers of the teavangelist party might wish for a theocracy, Most of the nation has no need for them or theocracy.  Jesus didn’t speak English, wasn’t blonde-haired, won’t be arriving in Texas any time soon.  Quit demanding his attention to every high school athletic contest and let him deal with the really major problems on his plate, such as disabusing his professed American followers of their utter lack of comprehension, and getting around to smiting the mega-missionaries who corrupt the sermon on the mount into prayer for profit and political power.  The founders didn’t want a theocracy and wrote their intent very clearly.  It matters not how many times some zealot tells you, “It’s in the Constitution!”  It isn’t and it won’t be. 
          “Default won’t hurt the country.
          OK, suggest they default on their home and car loans.  See them learn about public transport.
          Obama is lying about default, revenue, ( ______)
          This amusing.  The GOP and teavangelists accusing anyone of lying is just too funny for words. 
          There’s no racism in the GOP/teavangelists.
          The minute Obama was elected, before he ever took the oath of office, the GOP was promising to make him a single term President.  The idea of a black male in the White house must have horrified them.  Add in the racism and xenophobia of the teavangelists and the hatred is palpable.  The current debt-ceiling debacle has never happened before.  Were Obama white, it would have been handled quietly, quickly, and routinely as under, say, Ronnie ray gun. 
          Cassi Creek:  there are many more pathognomic sound bytes that will be used mindlessly and endlessly during what will doubtless become an interminable 2012 Presidential Campaign.  Some will be spawned by the propaganda machine.  Others will be combined with absolute unfamiliarity with truth and the English language – as from Palin &/or Bachmann.  Learn to recognize them.  They lead to an illiterate voting base, incompetent candidates, and an emerging 3rd world United States. 





    





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