The Conservative Constitution of the United States
By David Cole
Thursday, January 6, 2011; 11:00 AM
House members opened the 112th Congress on Thursday by reading aloud the Constitution, presumably as a first step toward fulfilling the tea party's goal of "restoring" our nation's founding document. However, an alternative constitutional text, obtained by this author via WikiLeaks, has reportedly begun circulating in secret among incoming GOP lawmakers, representing the Constitution they hope to read aloud when the 113th Congress begins. Here, revealed in public for the first time, is the Conservative Constitution of the United States of Real America:
“We, the Real Americans, in order to form a more God-Fearing Union, establish Justice as we see it, Defeat Health-Care Reform, and Preserve and Protect our Property, our Guns and our Right Not to Pay Taxes, do ordain and establish this Conservative Constitution for the United States of Real America. ..
“Article I. Congress shall have only the powers literally, specifically and expressly granted herein, and no others. That means definitely, without question, absolutely, no regulation of the Health Insurance or Financial Services industries…
“1. Congress shall make no law abridging the Freedom of Speech, except where citizens desecrate the Flag of the United States; respecting an establishment of Religion, except to support Christian schools, religious apparitions in food products and the display of crosses and creches in public places; or abridging the free exercise of Religion, except to block the construction of mosques in sensitive areas as determined by Florida Pastors or the Fox News Channel…”
I’d be willing to leave this as a timely and amusing column if it didn’t contain so much truth. “Real America,” the populace that drools or wets itself every time a Palin or a Palin clone utters some inaccurate inanity, is out there, interspersed with the voters who actually value facts and truth.
Like many symbols dealing with the nation’s history, the GOPers\teavanagelists have tried to deny the label “Americans” to anyone who disagrees with their particular flavor of culture. They want us all to believe that “Real Americans” are willing to rewrite the Constitution to make it agree with and become subservient to their “bible.” They want racism, religious intolerance, a forced national religion, and lack of education to define our culture. They offer us candidates like Palin, Bachman, Huckabee, and others who would be happy to replace our republic with a theocracy and strip all non-Christians of citizenship and other rights we currently are promised under the real Constitution.
The “Real American Inc” leaders want us to lionize Ronald Reagan who did his best to repay campaign debts by selling out the nation, gutting the national parks, creating a culture of deceit and greed, all with help from his wife’s astrologer and while in deteriorating mental status.
The words “astrologer” and Alzheimer’s should never be associated with the office of the POTUS. Nor should any candidate for that office have ever been in negotiation with the government of a nation holding U.S. citizens hostage. That act alone seems to be treasonous in nature and can be considered as breaking faith with the U.S, Embassy hostages by prolonging their period of captivity for political advantage. Now, the “Real Americans” of the GOP are planning a 100-year celebration for Reagan that will, of course, somehow wind up costing the U.S. taxpayers.
Real Americans are not the mob that quivers with anticipation, lust, and anti-intellectualism whenever a Palin clone speaks. They are the people who staff soup kitchens when there is no photo-op. the people who tutor students who need help learning to read when there is no opportunity for a come-to-Jesus presentation. They are people who don’t sit on the Mexican border with guns, people who give their time and skills to run remote medical clinics, to staff shelters for abused women and Planned Parenthood clinics that help prevent the unwanted pregnancies that Palin’s “Real America Inc” only wants until they begin to breathe air.
The real Americans I know and see are happy with the Constitution as it is today. They, and I, understand that it is a powerful framework upon which we hang a unique government rather than a “sacred document” that must never be modernized or interpreted in any manner other than from the visage of the 18th century. The real Americans I know served the nation in WWII, Korea, Vietnam, in the Reagan banana wars, in Iraq, and now in Afghanistan instead of “being too busy.” They are doctors, teachers, nurses, salesclerks, librarians, cooks, carpenters, and a host of other things. They vote after learning all they can from resources that provide fact-checked information rather than the rantings of demagogues and propagandists. They’re pretty much like many other people around the world who have been fortunate enough to be born into industrialized nations at the post WWII/boomer/genX period. They appreciate the great things about America without succumbing to the BS of American uniqueness that the extreme right peddles daily. These real Americans are good people and it’s time for them to stand up and take the logos, labels, and symbols away from the hate mongers, demagogues, and theocrats.