14 November 2010 I shot six holes in my freezer

It is far too early to be worrying about cabin fever, winter has yet to arrive. Electronic conspiracies may be something to watch out for.

There have been countless short stories, bad novels, and really bad movies written about the supposed critical mass being reached. That is, the critical mass of electronic and electrical devices that make life in industrialized nations much easier than it used to be.

Every type of labor saving device has some electrical or electronic component that drives it or aids it in carrying out one or more of its various functions.

How dark should the toast be?

What temperature should the refrigerator maintain for safe and economic food storage?

What temperature setting on the thermostat will keep us warm on a frigid night.

How long does it take the microwave to boil water?



Aye, there’s the conspiracy, rearing its ugly head like Palin trying to make us believe she knows what she’s talking about.

Our microwave gave up this morning and will boil no more water. It’s radar range components will never again warn of an invasion from the former Soviet Union. For the components are essentially similar. The microwave generator that excites water molecules in foods is the same type of device that sends microwave frequency pulses outward from a transceiver to reflect off any aircraft that may be sneaking in across the Dew Line.

Of course, the Dew Line, like our microwave, is no longer functional.

We’ll replace the micro-wave, of course. We use it several times daily to fix breakfast items, to boil water for tea, fix sides for dinner, and for snacks like popcorn. In fact, we have lots of items on the shelf that are microwave-dependent. Some items I was planning on using for tonight’s dinner are micro-wave items. A restructuring of dinner’s menu is now in order.

I’m not too obsessed with conspiracy theories or with alien invasions tales; particularly when these mesh into an appliance revolt tale. I don’t expect the microwave to leap off the counter in attack mode. I’ve safed it by unplugging its source of electrical power. Like an ejection seat with the safety disarming pins inserted, it is going nowhere. It will sit on the counter, unable to communicate with other recalcitrant microwaves via the electrical grid.

AsI said, I don’t believe in the sci-fi standard appliance revolt. But if I walk into the kitchen in the dark of night, to find the microwave clock blinking at me….



“This mornin, I shot six holes in my freezer*

I think I got cabin fever

Somebody sound the alarm” Jimmy Buffett

*The publisher wishes to re-assure all readers that no appliances were harmed in writing this entry.