27 December 2009 Naked Aviation

Yesterday the news was all about a Nigerian male who apparently tried to bring down a commercial airliner by means of self-immolation or self-detonation. The presumed terrorist may have used some powder components to attempt to bring down the plane over an urban area. He was reportedly attempting to cause a crash into an urban area in order to increase both the horror of the event and the number of casualties.


Now a wave of new security regulations will be unleashed in an attempt to counter this latest attack.

Among the proposed regulations is further limiting the number of carry-on items on flights into the U.S. This is not a bad idea at all and should be extended into the domestic travel market. I’ve spent far too many flights with other people trying to stuff the contents of their apartment into an overhead cargo space. I’ve spent far too many with people climbing back and forth over me to reach/take something from/put something back into an overhead cargo space.

Another proposed regulation will restrict passengers to their seats during the last hour of flight and will require they be holding nothing during that hour. No notebooks, no real books, no cell phones, smart-phones, I-any things, drinks, food, everything must be secured. The probability that someone will demand to use a toilet is 100%. The probability that someone’s kid will fill a diaper will increase with the kid’s proximity to you.

Well, it might not be all bad. The idea that aircraft are office extensions is not one I value. Not being a business traveler, I don’t have any sympathy for the people who insist on invading my, already too small and noisy, space with their business needs. If it were left to me, many times I’d put the business travelers in the baggage hold and let them text and e-mail in the noisy cold belly of the plane so that the rest of us can ride more peacefully and avoid the outbreak of instant shouting into cell phones the minute the plane touches down.

While we’re at it, there’s probably room for kids and parents down there too. They can ride next to the business travelers and compete with them to see who takes up the most space and makes the most noise.

It’s not likely that we will be required to undress for inspection before boarding planes, at least not in the near future. However, if terrorists carry out the madness of concealing weapons to its likely extreme, implanted, inserted, or ingested toxins, explosives, biological weapons, even, radioactive contaminants to contaminate aircraft and passengers; then the full-body exam is not improbable.

We may be flying nude before it is over. What a change from how we viewed flying in my youth. People used to dress up in order to fly. I’m not suggesting that we require coats and ties or heels and white gloves in order to board planes. Those days are far in our past.

However, the all-nude flights may become a thing of the future of necessity rather than the few that have taken place for recreational nudists. Could be interesting!